In Which I Explain Where I've Been and What I've Been Doing

I'm so sorry for the long silence.  Life.  It happens.


First things first, we're no longer in TX.  We got orders at the beginning of December for a move to NE.  That's when most of the craziness happened.  (We did have some births and deaths that happened before that - all wonderful, spiritual experiences.)  We made an impromptu drive to find a house...which we did...then came home and packed like mad people.  And yes, packing makes you mad.


I've spent most of the last 2 months unpacking all of the stuff I just packed.  And not unpacking.  We broke 4 bookcases and haven't replaced them yet because I don't know where I want them so don't know what size or color to buy.  This whole "basement" concept is new to me.  What do you do with that big space???


The move has created some sadness.  We left some really great friends; they were like family.  My kids have cried a lot and I've cried with them.  And sometimes by myself too.  It's been slow making friends here but it will come with time.


It's also created some new stress.  I had no idea that owning a home would be so stressful (it's our first not-base house).  The first week our main line sewer backed up into the master bathroom and surrounding areas.  Then the upstairs toilet clogged and because it's a newer funky shape a regular plunger wouldn't work.  The plumber is now our best friend!  Then there was a leak in the roof...fixed by the guys who put a new roof on it 5 months ago.  Broken computer.  Windows that just won't cooperate with where I want to put the furniture.  A garage that can't be parked in because it's filled with boxes.  An awning that completely blocks the view of our yard and the park across the street unless you're sitting on the floor.  And pear wallpaper all over my kitchen.  How come you don't notice the annoying things until AFTER you've moved in?


But, we have a nice sized yard.  We have a crazy squirrel, and his brother/enemy/girlfriend that he chases all over.  We had a hawk sit on a tree in our backyard and eat something squishy and bloody.  There are cardinals and other lovely birds all over the place.  It's so nice to have a YARD.  With big trees and animals.  There are some great hiking areas close by and lots of cool places to visit.  (Remind me that I like the trees once I have to rake up after them.)


Right now I'm planning our garden and trying to control myself and not plant a bazillion trees, berry bushes and more veggies than I can care for.  10 years of no gardens has made me a bit crazy!!!  School is plugging along.  I added my 5-year-old into the mix of 'formal lessons' which is making things a little more interesting.  The boys are really enjoying their studies and are excited about the things we'll learn this year...and the awesome places we'll get to visit.


My husband will most likely start deploying again so I'm trying to prepare myself for that mentally, emotionally and physically - go unpack your basement, woman.


And that's pretty much what I've been doing.  Going crazy.  Moving.  Crying.  Laughing.  Teaching.  Hugging.  Hiking.  Reading.  Planning.  Packing and unpacking.  Living.

A Pizza Confession

I am about to share something with you that just might shock you.  I don’t like pizza.  I don’t.  I think it’s gross.  My family, on the other hand, loves it and they want to disown me.  They love it so much they’d eat it every meal, every day, for the rest of their lives and never complain.  The only thing standing in their way is me. 

After many years spent debating Pizza or No Pizza I’ve reached a painful decision.  I’m just going to have to embrace pizza.  I don’t want them sneaking out of the house to eat pizza.  Or lying about going to someone’s house to get a pizza fix.  They might even rob a store to get pizza money.  If they’re going to eat pizza, I’d rather it be somewhere safe, somewhere where I can control the pizza.  I’m going to have to make pizza at home. 

A part of that decision is to try to make it as healthy as possible (which isn’t much).  The other part is to save money.  At least once a month the boys (and my husband) will get a little pizza crazy so we’ll order out (or go to the all-you-can-eat pizza buffet a.k.a Heaven).  This costs much money.  Much, much money.  Sometimes up to half my weekly grocery budget.

So, the hunt for the best homemade pizza dough is on.  I’m going to be trying a lot of whole wheat ones, but I may end up compromising for part white flour.   I’ll keep you updated (aren’t you excited?).

My kids are rather boring.  They like cheese pizza.  Just cheese.  If they’re feeling a little crazy the older two will go for pepperoni.  And if I’m going to be forced to eat pizza I’ll have an alfredo or garlic sauce with spinach, onion, mushrooms and perhaps a bit of bacon.  And I’m REALLY embarrassing because I eat it with salad on top, using a fork and knife.  Do you see now why they want to disown me?

Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I love this version

In an attempt to cheer up a sulky 11-year-old my husband was playing all sorts of "It's a Wonderful Life" and "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" and other uber happy songs.  He came along this version which neither of us had ever heard.  I instantly fell in love.  I love the music, his voice, his smile.  And I cried to watch the end of the video, the celebration of his life instead of the sorrow from his death. 

I got off the couch

So, I have this crazy neighbor.  Let's call her Maria.  She's 5 months pregnant.  And she wants to keep running.  Her running friends have all moved away so she went recruiting.  I was one of her first targets.  What better way for a big pregnant lady to run, than with her totally out of shape, hasn't done any exercise for years friend!  I don't know why I agreed.  But she's crazy so I did.

I have now officially finished Week 4 of the Couch to 5K training program.  The first two weeks I thought I would die.  But each run got a little easier.  Not a lot easier, but a little.  Enough that I notice it.  Good enough for me.

Our first race is in 6 weeks.  I still have a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that I'm actually going out 3 nights a week in order to train for a race.  Because I hate running.  It's good for me though so I keep doing it.  We are TRYING to wake up and run in the mornings before our husbands leave for work, but she's tired because she's pregnant and I'm just tired so usually we go at 9:00pm when it's cooled down to 97 degrees or so.  No joke.

If you are at all interested in getting started I would suggest two things:

First, get one of the Couch to 5K apps.  There are several to choose from.  When I run I take my iPod Touch and some lovely British lady tells me when to walk and when to run.  Actually, she's not lovely.  I don't like her very much.  She causes me pain.

Second, get yourself a crazy friend.  The kind that will show up at your door and drag you out if necessary.  If you can find a pregnant one that works even better because then you think, "If she can do it, so can I."

I've lost weight and my clothes are fitting much better.  Between the running and our GAPS diet, I just might get healthy!

And if I, a 38 1/2 year old, 190 pound (now 178 pound) couch potato can do it, so can you.

Things I've learned from being chronically ill

I've decided that I just need to come to terms with the fact that I have a chronic disease, one for which the experts say there is no cure.  For years I've tried to ignore it, pretend it isn't there.  But it keeps rearing its ugly head and letting me know that it is, in fact, a part of my life and that it will, in fact, affect me in various ways at various times.

I have what is called ulcerative colitis and without going into much detail my colon looks like a knee with road rash.  Sometimes I am in remission and my body functions like normal.  Other times I have flare-ups and then I have to use the bathroom constantly, 3 to 5 times an hour.  I also have horrible stomach cramps/spasms which leave me curled up in a ball, usually crying.  Often I can't eat because of the nausea.  This last bout left me throwing up hourly and I ended up in the hospital needing IV fluids and some pretty serious pain meds.

But this post isn't about my actual health condition, it's about what I've learned, and am learning, along the way.  And many of these lessons can be applied to any illness whether it be chronic or a 3-day cold.  They could also be applied to life in general, because you never know what will happen!

1.  It does no good to lay in bed and cry all day about the unfairness of your condition.  Or to scream "WHY ME?" into the universe.  The fact is, it is your lot to carry.  And if you put things into perspective, it could be a lot worse.  I would much rather carry the burden of my disease than cancer.  Or AIDS.  Or any number of diseases.  Or to be going through what the Japanese or Libyan people are dealing with.  It's taken me a long time to reach this place, this place of accepting what I've been given and then trying to learn from it.  What lessons does the Lord want me to learn?  Not why do I have it, but what can I learn from it?  How can I grow from it?

2.  Turn to the Lord for comfort.  He knows all pain, all despair, all fear.  He understands how to relieve the pain, how to lift you up when you feel like you can't go on.  He can give you the strength to get out of bed and make breakfast for your children.  He can calm your fears and guide you as you make choices about what you eat and how to use the energy you have.

3.  Take care of your spiritual health.  The times that I've let this go are the times I most despair, the times I feel like a failure as a wife and a mother, when all I can see around me is what I am NOT doing.  By reading my scriptures first and praying every day I can often find a way past the pain and fatigue to get things done.  And I find the patience and grace to deal with my children in a calm manner.  Without that spiritual foundation I find myself getting snappy with them and focus more on my pain, my discomfort, my 'heroic' efforts to school them or cook for them and I forget that it is only through the grace of God that I'm able to do those things.  And I forget what a joy and blessing it is to have such wonderful children.

4.  Take care of your physical health.  Sometimes I feel like there isn't much I can do about this.  But there is.  I can exercise.  I can eat as healthy as I know how to.  I can research diets and treatments and supplements and voodoo magic to see if there is something that mainstream medicine doesn't know about my condition.  I can sleep.

5.  Train your children while they are young and when you are healthy.  It has been such a blessing during the last week or so that I've been sick to have 2 10-year old boys that can make breakfast and lunch.  One day I casually mentioned that we might need to take some time to clean later in the day and one of my sons cleaned the entire house, by himself.  They all know how to clean, including the bathrooms, to cook simple meals and to help with the laundry.  I did notice some gaps in what they can do so once I'm fully back on my feet we'll be working on those.  It was so wonderful to see the looks of pride and confidence on their faces as they were able to truly help the family in a time of need.  They were contributing, even running the home, and they felt that satisfaction of serving others.

6.  I'm learning to use my healthy time to the best of my ability.  We get out in nature with the kids as often as possible during those times.  You can't really go hiking when you have massive diarrhea.  I'm just saying.  The healthy times are when we work most on habit training and fun family times.  We get extra schooling done and clean out closets, organize and dejunk.  It's both a time for work and a time for play.

7.  Sometimes you just have to say no.  Sometimes I can't go out with friends.  Sometimes I can't be in charge of a big project at church.  Sometimes I can.  It's hard for me to talk about my illness with others, mainly because it involves talking about the bathroom and nobody really wants to talk about that.  But I'm learning that sometimes I have to let them know that it's not that I don't want to spend time with them or help them, but that I physically can't take on more right then.  Other times I can, and then I do.

8.  Have cooked food, or easy to cook food, in the freezer.  I should know this because I've had crazy pregnancies requiring bed rest, but I'm still not good at it.  As soon as I get sick, like in bed can't move from the pain sick, my husband takes over cooking dinner (with the boys doing breakfast and lunch).  Most of the time husband-dinner involves take-out - pizza, burgers, etc.  Expensive and not healthy, especially when your guts are super sore.  If I had been prepared we could have been pulling things out of the freezer that were wholesome and inexpensive.  He's actually going to take some time off of work next week to help me do some freezer cooking (and clean out the closets and such).  Bless his heart.  I'm also trying to work on pantry cooking - having easy meals that can be made from canned or boxed foods.  Wait, that doesn't sound healthy does it?  I guess I'm thinking more like the "basic" cans and boxes - what can be made with a few cans of beans or pasta?  Or flour and some eggs and milk?  Stuff like that.  We're also going to be preparing a list of super easy meals that husband or boys can make with fridge or pantry items that might not be good to freeze, like quesadillas or egg salad sandwiches.  Sometimes you forget that there are simple things to make in time of sickness because they aren't part of your regular menu plan.

Having food in my freezer also means I can give service even when I am sick.  If there is a need to bring meals to a new mother or a sick family, I can easily pull it out of my own freezer for them.  Serving while I am sick is such a blessing.

9.  Have a system or schedule in place so that the house and life can keep functioning.  Sometimes my brain is only working at 1/4 power and it helps to know what comes next or what I'm supposed to cook for meals.  If I'm completely out of commission, then the kids and husbands know what to do next and can keep things moving forward.

10.  Give yourself permission to not be Super Homeschooler.  I am the Queen at Kicking Myself for what we didn't get done that day.  For seeing all the undones.  I have a brilliant husband though who is very, very good at finding what I did do that day.  Maybe we didn't get 2 math lessons done, or read 50 pages of history and 35 of science and work on dissertations in quantum physics or solve world hunger.  But maybe we played games all day, read books together, watched some scripture or Popular Mechanics videos, maybe they played outside all day while I sat in a chair watching and reading a book.  Maybe they just 'socialized' with each other.  In the grand scheme of things, it's okay to have a day off, or six.

11.  Plan ahead when going out.  Maybe this applies more to my specific problem, but I know where the bathrooms are in every store.  At first I needed to know this when I had babies in diapers or potty-trainers who couldn't hold it for long.  Now I need it for me.  If we're going to a store I don't know well, I find the bathroom first.  I've also trained my kids on what to do if mom has to dash into the bathroom.  Being that I have 4 boys, they typically don't come in with me.  I also make sure I have snacks in my purse because sometimes I can't eat for long periods of time due to pain or nausea, but then my blood sugar drops quickly and I need something to pick me up fast.  Larabars work well for this.  Although I want to figure out how to make my own.  If we're going to be driving for a while I plan bathroom breaks and meal times.  Usually I won't eat for several hours before we leave so there is nothing in my system that needs to come out.  Pleasant, I know, but it's the reality of my life.

12.  Learn to laugh about life.  If I couldn't find the humor in my situation or life in general I would truly be miserable.  When I'm talking with doctors about the very nitty-gritty specifics of what is happening I try to have fun with it.  My current GI taught me this.  When I first saw him I was all embarrassed to be discussing such gross and personal things and I stopped and said, "I hate talking about poop."  In his huge Texan drawl he yelled, "I LOVE IT!!!"  In the ER Wednesday the doctor asked if I had any other chronic problems, I looked him right in the eye, and said through clenched teeth, "No.  I think this one is enough."  His mouth dropped open a bit and he moved on, shaking his head.  I'm working on finding ways to laugh about this....I also find that it helps my kids feel more comfortable with the problem.  If we can say something funny about mom having to sprint off to the bathroom then it's not "a disease" to worry about, it's just silly mom.  And for the record, I'm not crude about poop humor.  My jokes are not about that...it's more about life in general and the challenges that sometimes happen.  And laughing makes you feel happier and healthier if it's good laughter so that's what we aim for.

13.  I feel a greater importance in telling people how I feel about them, in making sure that my husband and children hear how much I love them and how grateful I am for them.  I also make sure that my children know of my faith and my love of the Lord.  I try every day to write in a journal for them, telling them what we did that day, any funny comments they made, to document their kind deeds and to express my testimony of the gospel to them.  Someday I hope it will be a joy and comfort to them to have their life's deeds recorded and to hear my counsel and advice as they get older.  I don't think this disease will kill me, but if it does I want to leave a legacy of wisdom and love for them, through my daily actions and my written journal.

14.  I value simplicity more.  I want meals that can be prepared in 30 minutes or less.  I don't want to spend 2 or 3 hours a day cleaning my home.  We have dejunked and dejunked and dejunked and organized and organized and organized.  And we are going to do it again.  It makes it easier for us to maintain together, and easier for the kids if they need to pick up the slack for a while.  Even my 4-year-old can completely clean most rooms now.  Every little bit helps!  Life it too short, and healthy time too precious, to be spent dealing with stuff.

15.  Stock your pantry and toiletries while you are healthy and when they're on sale, if possible.  It's much easier for me to stock up every time I shop and then send my husband to the store for a few items, than it is to send him with a massively long list.  I also take my husband and boys shopping with me on occasion so I can to teach them how to pick out good produce, what brands I prefer to use and where to find certain things (like the taco shells are near the bread, not the Mexican aisle).  

And now I'm going to take some of my advice and go spend time with my kids.  And cook a big pot of soup to eat for dinner and freeze half for another meal.  I might even get some laundry done.

Enjoy the life you have.  It is a gift and a blessing.

The End of Raw

I officially lasted almost two weeks on raw. I had a series of minor breakdowns, followed by a biggie that had my husband wondering if he needed to lock me in a padded room.  It was ugly.  I apologize for not telling you sooner, but it’s taken me quite a while to get back to feeling like me again.

I spent quite a while feeling like a total loser because I couldn’t even go 30 days.  

30 days is nothing.  

Or so I glibly thought.

I kept telling myself that those darn people on Simply Raw went 30 days.  And they had detox like I did.  They wanted to give up.  They had breakdowns.  And THEY KEPT GOING.  

Why couldn’t I????

As my husband pointed out…

1.     They were at a retreat where their food was made for them.  And most likely it was delicious.

2.     They were at a retreat where they did not have to take care of laundry and dishes and kids and homeschool and church service and many other things.

I was in no such place.

I will openly admit that the detox was bad.  Really bad.  The first week or so I was feeling great…and then I started crying…and getting angry…and crying…and getting impatient…and edgy….and crying…and raising my voice (which I NEVER do)….and crying….Most of my detox was emotional and my kids were noticing.  I didn’t like the mom I was becoming and felt very little control over myself at that point. That made me cry even more. 

By the end of the almost two weeks I was a quivering mass of depressed mucous-covered raw nerves.  My husband called an end to the insanity and I started eating “normal” food.  And wouldn’t you know it, within a few days I was happier, calmer, and in control of my emotions again.  And fatter.  I regained the 7 pounds I lost. 

I’m currently working on a semi-raw diet.  So far I’m doing well emotionally and physically.  I eat raw for breakfast in the form of a large smoothie (usually a green one).  Lunch is either salad or vegetable soup/chowder with another massive smoothie.   Dinner is a small portion of whatever I cooked for dinner with veggies and fruit on the side.  I’ve been making a lot of vegetarian meals lately and tons of soup.  I feel so calm, so healthy after a big bowl of veggie soup with homemade broth.  It is very grounding.  I’m also trying to avoid sugar and bread.  

But they are NOT trying to avoid me.

My husband still thinks that raw is a great idea, in moderation.  He also suggested that I try various recipes out while eating “normal” thus building a collection of meals that I enjoy…after a while I should have a supply of “go to” raw recipes that I like, instead of ones I throw in the garbage. 

So, our current goal is to maintain the status quo albeit a modified status quo including many, many more smoothies….and work on building a repertoire of raw and/or vegetarian meals.  Are we giving up meat and dairy?  Not for now.  But we do want to decrease the amount we eat…and increase the quality. 

I found that I don’t really care for “gourmet raw”.  I don’t like the fake sour creams and fake noodles and fake whatevers.  They taste fake.  The things I enjoyed the most were raw foods acting like themselves – a salad acting like a salad, veggies tasting like veggies instead of like some nasty sauce, fruit that still looked and tasted like the actual fruit.   Gourmet raw relies on a lot of nuts and seeds, which I found somewhat irritating (to my gut).  And expensive.  Some recipes used hardly any veggies at all – it was all nuts and seeds.  That didn’t feel “raw” to me.  Just fake.  (The repeated use of the word fake in this post has now ended.)

I have learned a few things from this experience:

     For my mental health and well-being, I need to make gradual changes to my diet.  Some people may not have this problem.  I do.

     I was surprised at how strong a hold food has over me.  How emotional eating is.  I want to work at freeing myself from this dependence.  Food is my drug…and I want to break the chains.  Any suggestions?

     Food tastes best when it is in its most natural state.  Covering it with a sauce, even a raw sauce, usually doesn’t enhance the food.

     Blended soups need my attention.  I must figure out how to make more blended soups…but make them  chunkier  …and warmer.

    Smoothies are my friend.

     There is really no replacement for a great salad.  All the gourmet raw in the world doesn’t beat a salad with a fantastic dressing.

     Foods eaten in their natural state are faster than making fancy recipes.  That’s a big duh, but I need to learn it.  A nectarine is much faster, much tastier, much easier than putting together a frilly little doo-dah to snack on.

For now, raw is done.  It was not fun.  Hey, that rhymed! I’m still learning though, and still experimenting with raw recipes.  Just at a slower pace. 

I’m taking one day at a time and doing the best I can that day to be healthy.

I walked a mile in a long skirt

I did.  And it felt great.  And a little weird.  I went swish, swish, swish the entire time.

So, you should know two things.  First, I've been wearing more skirts lately (don’t laugh, mom).  Like several times a week.  I thought I'd hate it but I actually love it.  Wearing a skirt makes me feel pretty and  homemakey  .  The big kicker for me is NOT to wear pantyhose with them.  I reserve pantyhose for special occasions like weddings and church.  For daily kicking it with my kiddos, it's just a long skirt and bare feet.  Ah, the freedom!

Second, I'm walking every day.  Winter has settled upon us here in West Texas.  Today it is in the high 50s/low 60s - we wore t-shirts to the park.  About halfway through our school day I send all my kids to the park to play and I walk around the neighborhood so I can still see them.  I walk around and around and around.  Then around some more.

The neighbors probably think I'm crazy, but at least I'm doing something healthy!  I've been doing a little over a mile each day, for the last 5 days.  Dragging my little mutt behind me.  Seriously, he’s so out of shape….worse than me!

And today I was wearing an ankle-length denim skirt with black tennis shoes.  Perhaps not my most lovely fashion statement, but I've proved to myself that I can exercise anywhere, anytime.  It doesn't matter if I don't have the right clothes or "enough time".  Excuses are no longer valid.  Well, at least for now.

My boys love being able to play outside for long hours everyday without frying to a crisp.  I love the fresh air and bright blue skies.  We all feel happier, calmer and sleep better at night.

I love Texas in the winter!

Playstation Nation

My husband and I are having conversations right now about whether or not we keep the Wii.  And if we do, how do we use it.  But first, let me tell you how we got to the point where we're thinking of removing it.

It all started when we moved to Texas.  We'd never had a gaming system before, but our boys were getting older and we felt that they were 'missing out' on something.  We originally decided to get them a trampoline, but the summers here are scorching hot, so it wouldn't have been used for 6 months out of the year.  And in base housing, sometimes you have room for one, sometimes you don't.  (Then there's that nasty 'weight limit' when they move you and tramps are heavy.)  We thought, "A Wii would allow them to stay active in the house during the hot months and it would be a fun activity to play with their friends."

So we bought one.  At first we only allowed 'active' games and they had to stand to play it.  I'm not sure how it happened but after a while we had some Lego games - to play you just stand there and move your guy from place to place.  No real physical movement or logic involved.  And when their friends came over they all just stood in the room, playing a game and not talking.  It was like a room full of zombie kids.

There began to be fights.  Major fights.  "He hogged the Wii.  He didn't share."  There was name calling and put-downs.  Sometimes they would play all day and I'd find out they hadn't let one brother have a turn.  It became an obsession for them, how much time could they play?  They were constantly talking about it, begging to play it, crying if they couldn't.  All their imaginative play was based on the computer games they played.  No more knights or heroes or soldiers or whatever.  Only Wii characters.  All the time.  I often found them just sitting in a room discussing "plans" for the next time they got to play.  And they were ALWAYS asking to play.

Sadly, it became a crutch for me.  When I was sick or tired, or both, I'd tell them to go play the Wii.  It was too hard for me to deal with all the whining and begging while laying in bed wanting to throw up or pass out.  Part of why we're discussing getting rid of it is based on my own weakness to rely on it as a babysitter.

So, as I started to think about it my friend Misty over at Misfit Cygnet recommended that I read Playstation Nation by Olivia and Kurt Bruner.  When I got it in the mail my boys were so excited - 'Mom has gone crazy and now she's going to get us a Playstation'.  They were less than happy when I told them what the book was really about!

Playstation Nation talks about video game addiction and what parents can do.  The authors use examples from their own family and interviews with many other people.  They also discuss many of the studies done about video games and their effect on emotion and behavior, including what actually happens in the brain.

I enjoyed the stories and interviews very much, but I especially appreciated the 'science' behind it.  I had already seen what it could do so it was chilling to understand what was going on in their little brains, and the damage it might be causing.

I went into the book thinking we'd just limit the amount of play, an hour a day or maybe one day a month.  One particular man quoted in the book said that he wished his parents had just gotten rid of it, because even though he could only play once a month or so, he still thought about it, it consumed his thoughts even if he wasn't playing it or talking about it.  I don't want video games to 'consume their thoughts' (which I had already seen that it did) and this made me think deeply about what I truly wanted for them.

After reading the book, and observing my own children's behaviors, I'm convinced that the Wii needs to leave our home permanently, never to be replaced by anything else.  My husband is not so convinced.  I've asked him to read the book, which he agreed to, but hasn't had time yet.  One of his main arguments is that "it's fun".  Well, many people would argue that taking drugs, sleeping around and drag racing are fun, but that doesn't make it right.  He has also expressed concern that "we spent money on it" so it would be a waste to get rid of it.  I countered with, "If you made a mistake, you correct it and move on.  If you give up drinking but have a year's supply of beer in the house, you don't need to keep drinking it until it's gone.  Get rid of it!"  And he's worried that the kids will feel deprived or weird because they're one of the few without a gaming system.  I worry that they'll grow up addicted, unmotivated, unproductive and consumed with unimportant worldly things.  (Reading the book Boys Adrift further convinced me that this most probably would happen.)

At the moment we're at an impasse, but we've decided to not let them play until we make the decision.  The first bit was rough, but now they are playing imaginatively again, reading books, going to the park, riding their bikes and most especially, the tone of our home is calmer and more pleasant.  We don't have multiple screaming or crying fits a day.  No more nagging me then lashing out because I said no.  They are doing their school work independently if I'm sick or playing with their younger brothers or reading to them - they're using their time productively.  Without complaint.  The noise level has dramatically dropped.

We did let them play one day (on Halloween instead of trick-or-treating) and it took almost 2 weeks for them to stop asking to play, complaining, crying, or yelling about not being able to play.  Now, peace has been restored and I don't want to interrupt it again!

Our "Gratitude" Wall

Last year we decided to document what we were grateful for every day, for a month.  We started on Thanksgiving day and went until Christmas day.  I cut circles out of construction paper and every night at dinner each person told what they were thankful for.  The boys really enjoyed it and it was a wonderful exercise for them to see how truly blessed they are.  They loved it so much that we left the circles up for months afterwards.  The boys read them often and so did the visitors to our home.  It was such a huge hit that they asked to keep doing it, but my husband was tired of having a wall that looked like a weird chemistry molecule so we purchased a nice journal and are writing down what we are thankful for in the book.  Unfortunately, it's harder to remember to do this because I don't have a huge visual reminder like the wall.  I'm hoping to create the habit though so we'll keep plugging along.

We did have to make a rule that they couldn't name specific foods.  After a while the wall looked like "pizza, cheese pizza, pepperoni pizza, hamburgers, cheeseburgers, Sprite, 7-Up, Root Beer....."  It was almost like the only thing they ever thought about was food.  Now that we're not constrained by the size of our blank wall, we are allowing them to express gratitude for whatever foods they want!

Things I've learned from this bout of illness

After my stint with pneumonia I had two days of good health and then I caught a cold that has hung on for over two weeks with no real sign of leaving any time soon.  Two of my four sons have the same cold.  Here are the things I've learned recently about colds.

1.  Essential oils work to stop the coughing.  I use doTerra oils (and sell them if you're interested).  We used Breathe and Eucalyptus with great success.  They'd be hacking up a lung at night and I'd go in, oil their feet and throats and they'd sleep quietly the rest of the night.

2.  Eating raw garlic burns.

3.  Placing raw garlic cloves between each of your toes and trying to sleep is rather painful.  I made a valiant effort and woke up at 1:30am with aching toes.  Once I pulled out the garlic my feet felt much better.

4.  Eating raw garlic mixed with butter on bread only prolongs the pain.  It still burns, only you get to enjoy each bite with the burn.

5.  Even if you've lost all sense of smell and taste, raw garlic burns your mouth.

6.  Even if you've lost all sense of smell and taste, others around you have not and they will think your breath is stinky.  They'll even tell you to your face.  And pretend to faint every time you walk by.

7.  Warm apple cider with a whole lemon squeezed in and a plop of raw honey feels wonderful on sore throats.

8.  Steam showers work for calming coughs and unclogging noses.  So do steam baths with essential oils added.

9.  Hot and Sour soup has wonderful healing properties.  So does Chicken Noodle soup.  It's been scientifically proven.  Really.  I alternate between the two.  Although I have to get the Hot and Sour from a restaurant.  Does anyone have a good recipe for making it at home?

10.  Warm apple cider with a whole lemon squeezed in AND some ginger tea (make by boiling water and shredded ginger together) with honey also feels really good.  It's a little spicier though.

11.  Add cayenne to your chicken noodle soup for some extra healing power.  If you have lost your sense of taste and smell you can add quite a bit.  You know you've added too much when your tongue starts to burn.

12.  You can keep your other kids healthy by making them do all the stuff the sick people have to do - eat the soups, put on the oils, go to bed early, etc.

13.  Using On Guard (from doTerra) on the healthy boys feet seems to have helped in keeping them healthy since they are still healthy.

14.  Drinking On Guard is truly disgusting.  Peppermint oil though is great and eases the congestion.

15.  Eating On Guard on crackers with honey and butter is even worse.  I made my kids promise me that if I ever tried to get them to eat On Guard they were to run screaming.

16.  You can make garlic oil to put on your feet and chest by cutting up some garlic and just barely covering it with extra-virgin olive oil.  Let it sit for at least 2 hours, or a few days if possible.  Cover the bottoms of your feet (and the top, right where the toes join the foot) and put on some socks.  You can also spread it on your chest and throat, but your clothes might get greasy.  Then pretend you live in an Italian restaurant because everything will smell all garlicy.  Do not, however, lick anyone's garlic feet.

17.  Sleep as much as possible.

18.  You'll get better faster, or not even get sick in the first place, if you eat healthier.  If you do get sick and start feeding your kids (and yourself) cold cereal for breakfast and lunch, they will get sick too.  If your husband goes out for burgers or pizza or other such sundries every night because you're sick, and you, the sick person, eat it, you won't get better anytime soon.  And everyone else will get sick.  Don't fall back on junk food when you're sick.

19.  Pray.

20.  Pray some more.

Defending the size of my family

Do you often feel like you need to "defend" the size of your family?  I do.  And there aren't that many of us!

Either I'm dealing with nasty looks or comments like "Oh, you're having ANOTHER one" (said when pregnant with my 3rd) when I'm out and about with my four boys or I'm trying to explain why I ONLY have four kids.  I either have too many or not enough.  I can't win!

I wonder sometimes why I feel like I have to defend my choices.  I also wonder why people ask the most impertinent questions and seem to feel entitled to very personal information.  In asking questions about my adoption one woman asked if I was raising my husband's illegitimate son from an affair he had had.  Uh, NO.  There was no affair.  Just an adoption.  Why jump to such crazy conclusions?????

One of my sisters is unable to have children of her own.  She has endured years of people asking hurtful, personal, unthinking questions.  Why do we do this to each other?  Why do I feel like I have to tell everyone I can't have more children for medical reasons?  Why can't I just be content and tell people to mind their own business?  Why don't they mind their own business?  Why don't I?

One of the things I struggle with in defending my "large" family is the question of courtesy.  Let's say we want to buy a snack.  We go and stand in line and wait 10 minutes or so.  We finally get to the front and there is a single person behind us.  Do we let them go first?  Do we order and make them wait?  How about at the grocery store when I have my cart LOADED with two weeks worth of groceries and I'm about to put them on the conveyor belt.  I notice a person behind me with half a cart.  Should I let them go first?

My husband and I debate this all the time.  He calls it courtesy to let the single person (or several single persons or smaller families) go first.  I claim that if I stood in line and have "done my time" I should not feel pressured to stand aside.  I also don't want my children feeling like we have to apologize for having four kids.  That because we 'have so many people' in our family that we need to feel like we're a burden and thus let others go first.  I constantly wrestle with being 'thoughtful' to those around me and helping my children feel that they are just as valued and important as those with fewer (or no) kids.

Am I even making sense?  For the record I like to let old people and pregnant women go ahead of me in almost any situation.  But what is the proper thing to do in other situations?  Why is buying a Slurpee such a moral dilemma????????

The State of Our Union

Last month I posted that I had taken away our various sources of online movies and movie clubs.  I also decided to put the TV in the closet.  And the Wii went with it.  It's been a month now....this is the State of the Union.


1.  The kids were rather put out the first few days and there was much weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth.  After that they rarely talked about it.


2.  The house is cleaner because we have more time to clean and because they earn the privilege of cleaning if they complain about the lack of TV or Wii.


3.  The boys are reading more.  A lot more.  One of the 10-year-olds is reading huge, gigantic books.  700+ page books in 2 days.  The other 10-year-old who HATES reading (what happened there?) is actually sitting down and reading books of his own free will.  He even told me the other day, "Since we don't have TV now I'm finding lots of great books to read."  


And the 6-year-old has discovered that HE can read books on his own.  He actually taught himself to read at 4, but has only read during the times we sit down with the express intent to read.  Lately he's been picking up books and reading them to himself.  But even better, he's asking his 4-year-old brother if he can read a book to him.  I find the two of them curled up on the couch many times during the day, with the older one reading to the younger.  How precious is that?????


4.  There is less fighting.  We used to have major fights many times a day.  I thought this was probably normal, having four boys and all.  Well, since the TV has been off we haven't had more than 3 or so fights for the month, and even those were little.


5.  Everyone is playing together.  Nicely.  It's been incredible to see them all playing together, including each other, helping each other.  The older boys are more patient with the younger ones and they do EVERYTHING together now.


6.  The house is quieter.  In a good way.  There is a feeling of peace and serenity now, instead of noise and confusion and loudness.  


7.  They do their schoolwork cheerfully.  In fact, they CHEER when I say it's time to do school.  It's a treat, a privilege, something to be valued now.


8.  They are much less anxious and stressed.  They used to hurry through their day, complain during school, worry about when they would be able to watch a movie or play the Wii.  It consumed their every waking thought and they were constantly asking when they could play, or planning what they would play, or acting out what they would play.  Now they just play, read, laugh, and don't worry.  It's like a huge load of concern/stress/worry has been lifted off their shoulders.


9.  We have had almost no behavior problems during the month.  One of our sons is famous for digging in his heels and refusing to do pretty much anything without a huge fight.  We've had one incident thus far.  They all are much more willing to help with chores, have better attitudes, are kinder to each other - pretty much any good thing  you can think of for "good behavior" and we've seen it.


10.  I'm spending more time with the boys.  I thought I read a lot to them....but I'm reading even more.  Instead of "checking out" in the afternoon because I was tired or feeling sick, I was "forced" to actually deal with my children, to parent them, instead of saying "Go watch a movie."  We read more, played more games, went outside more often, cooked together, drew pictures together, and just talked more.  We also spent more time organizing, cleaning and getting rid of stuff we don't need.


11.  We're listening to great music more often.  Because there isn't that constant noise in the background (either from fighting or the TV/Wii) I feel "up to" listening to music during our breakfasts and lunches.  Previously I just wanted some QUIET, so I rarely played music.  (Oh, I also go rid of every CD that wasn't classical or church music.  And a few kids songs CDs.  The rest has left the building.)


12.  Our days seemed calmer, less rushed.  We got more things done and had more free-time than we had previously.  It almost felt like we'd been given extra hours in the day.


My husband and I are discussing when and if the TV and Wii ever come back.  I've been so happy with the State of the Union, that I'm ready to get rid of them!!!!  We can always watch a select movie or two on the computer if we REALLY had to.  


And the Wii is just a trouble maker, in my opinion.  We originally got it so they could get some exercise during the scorchingly hot Texas summer days.  But they weren't getting that much exercise.  And if one boy was doing a "workout" while the others did schoolwork, well, those doing schoolwork always ended up in the room with the Wii and then they'd get in trouble, blah, blah, blah.  (The Wii Active workout is AWESOME, but I'm not sure I want to keep the huge TV and the Wii just for that.  All the other garbage comes with it then.)


The thing that concerns me most with the Wii though is how they obsess about when they'll get to play.  They count days, watch the calender, ask repeatedly about when they'll be able to play, plan what they'll play.  It's non-stop.  Instead of reading or playing they talk Wii ALL THE TIME.  It's been wonderful to hear them actually talking about other things, and doing other things.  If we kept the Wii "only for Saturday" they would (and have) spend all week waiting for it.  If the Wii was "once a month" all their time and energy would be spent waiting, planning, discussing, worrying about that one day a month.


So, we're trying to figure out where to go from here.  It's a hard thing to be different from everyone else.  To be the only people around without a TV or a video gaming system.  Peer pressure is an awful way to make decisions for my family....sadly it does play a part though.  


My husband and I are discussing phrases like "intentional parenting", "courageous parenting", "parenting is not a popularity contest", "creating a refuge from the world", "stand for what is right at all times and in all places" and others. 


I'll let you know what we decide.

Cheers, and prayers, for my mom

Today, Friday, my mom is defending her Master's thesis before a panel of professors.  She'll be able to revise it one more time and then SHE IS DONE!!!!!!  It's taken my mom a bazillion years to finish school.  Okay, not quite a bazillion, but close.  I think almost 20????  She's had to work full time while going to school and care for her family and serve in her church.  It's been a hard load.  But she did it and she didn't go crazy like we thought she would.  She even made the Honor Roll every semester.

So, today, I'm praying for my mom that all will go well with her professors.  And I'm so grateful she's finally done.

While I wish the road had been easier for her, and that she hadn't had to do so much, I'm proud of her for doing what she had to do, and doing it with dignity and quiet grace.

I love you mom.  Congratulations!!!!!  Now go get some sleep.

I cancelled Halloween

Remember how I took away Neflix and various other movies?  Well, I also put the TV in the closet so it's been unavailable for use during the month of September.  (More on that later)  Needless to say, my popularity plummeted even further.  Since I was already in negative poll numbers my husband and I decided to take it one step further.  Halloween is officially cancelled.

To be honest, I've never really liked Halloween.  There are a number of reasons for this.

1.  I've never liked the scary, gross, bloody costumes.

2.  I DO like the candy, but in a non-healthy way.  As in a "I eat too much of it and it's really bad for me" way.

3.  I also get seriously annoyed with the greedy, "give me" attitudes of trick-or-treaters.  Typically we do a Trunk-or-Treat in our church parking lot, but that means that each kid comes around 3 or 4 times, never once saying thank you or acknowledging me in any way, shape or form (okay, there are a FEW who do, but they are the exception).  I should probably be a grown-up in this situation and understand they are kids all crazy and under the influence of sugar and artificial coloring....but it still bothers me.

4.  We buy the GOOD candy, the delicious candy, the kind you'd buy for yourself to eat at home.  And my kids bring home GARBAGE.  (I was going to say another word....I didn't)  They seriously come home with the cheapest, grossest, most  yucky tasting and looking candy ever.  I grieve for the loss of my luscious Twix bars and gooey Milky Ways.  I also buy A LOT of candy because I feel personally responsible to make sure there is enough candy.  How's that for twisted?

5.  I'm trying to reduce the amount of sugar and artificial coloring my kids (and myself) eat.  Halloween does not help this.  It provides either several days of gorging or several month's worth of "one piece a day".  We don't need it.  My kids get all whacked and some of them even steal/lie about it.  It changes their behavior and attitudes.  Is candy SERIOUSLY worth crying about?  Or screaming, thrashing around and spitting on me about?  And I'm not just talking the 4-year-old.

6.  It's expensive.  I've kept track over the last few years and Halloween costs between $100 and $150.  FOR ONE NIGHT.  That is beyond ridiculous.  Aside from buying the "good" candy, we have costumes to pay for.  I make most of them, but material costs money.  And time.  Even getting costumes at thrift shops costs money.  Multiply that by 4 boys and it adds up.  I try to use clothes from their dress-up bucket, but most of the time they want something completely different than they've ever had.

7.  I don't even want to talk about the time I spend making costumes only to be told it's ugly, they don't like it, they changed their mind, etc.  It's not easy making four costumes (many late nights and pricked fingers)......

8.  This year I have 2 kids in braces.  Most of the stuff they'll get they won't be able to eat.

So, we're not going to the Trunk-or-Treat.  We're not going trick-or-treating.  We're not getting costumes.  I DID make a compromise though, since I've had some feedback from my husband that I'm being "too weird".  We are going to have a family party.  Each kid will get to choose what they want for dinner - so it will be a buffet of random favorites (right now we have pizza, chips & salsa and orange chicken on the menu).  They will get a small amount of candy, to be eaten at the Party.  And we're having a Family Wii Tournament.  It will be the first time they've seen the Wii in 2 months.

I expected all sorts of push-back, but they're actually quite excited about it.  Maybe it will become a family tradition.  Maybe being weird is okay....

Does anyone know the cost.....

....of living more pioneer-like?

For instance, how much does it cost a year to raise enough chickens to provide eggs and meat for your family?

How much does it cost to plant, harvest and preserve enough food for your family through the winter?

How about a milk cow?  Beef cow?

My husband and I have been discussing what it would cost to "homestead" or live more simply.  Where can we find more information on the start-up costs and the yearly maintenance costs?

I know you can do things like make and use your own candles, laundry soap, shampoo, etc.  Make all your food from scratch, sew, quilt, raise bees.  But how much does it cost yearly to keep those things going?

And how much room does a family of 6 really need in a house?  We have 4 bedrooms, 2 1/2 baths, the biggest military house we've had yet!  Do we really need that much room though?  I think we could go smaller IF we lived on a bit of land so we could get outside.

Can anyone point me in the right direction?  How do I find this information out?

Withdrawal

I cancelled our Netflix.
I cancelled BrainPop.
I cancelled A+ Educational Video (an online rental for educational videos).

I am not a popular mom right now.
Apparently there is nothing fun to do in our house.
I didn't know it before, but now I do....everything is boring, boring, boring.
I've been voted the Worst Parent in the World Who Wants Her Kids to be Mad and Bored.
If we were on an island, I'd be voted off.

My house is really clean though.
Whenever they complain they earn the privilege of doing a chore.
Because I care.
And I don't want them to be bored.

They are reading a lot more now.
And we're playing a ton of games together.

Who knows what will happen next?
The DVDs are crying and trying to hide it a corner.
They know they're about to go.
The Wii is scared of me.
It should be.

What is beauty?

I read a wonderful talk by Douglas Callister entitled Your Refined Heavenly Home.  It touched my heart and made me truly desire for a more refined, beautiful home and an atmosphere that is more heaven-like.

There is one part, however, that I'm troubling over.  I've discussed it with my husband, but still cannot find a decision I'm happy with.

"We must not “let ourselves go” and become so casual—even sloppy—in our appearance that we distance ourselves from the beauty heaven has given us. Every man has the right to be married to a woman who makes herself as beautiful as she can be and who looks in the mirror to tidy herself up before he comes home. Every woman has a right to be married to a man who keeps himself clean, physically as well as morally, and takes pride in his appearance."


So, I'm guilty of "letting myself go".  I have long hair that I wear in a ponytail or bun every day.  I wear jeans and t-shirt and am more than a few pounds overweight.  But I've decided I want to change.  For myself.  


Every day I'm trying to do something to make myself more "beautiful" physically.  The other day I plucked my eyebrows.  Because I'm so loving, I won't include a picture of what they looked like before.  I'm also trying to wash my face and use good products to help my skin look more attractive.  And exercise is going to be my new best friend.


I'm trying.  I want to be a refined woman.  I want to feel like the daughter of God I know I am.


As I was discussing this with my husband, I asked for his definition of womanly beauty.  I wanted to know if it was "beautiful" to have a nice haircut, to wear neat and comely clothes, have lovely skin and be in shape.  Or did make-up need to be involved?  I'm not against make-up.  I actually have a lot of it (my sister-in-law is a Mary Kay consultant and I personally keep her in business).  But I don't have a lot of time and energy to use it right now.


Since my time is limited I wanted to know if using the 15 to 20 minutes it takes each day to put on make-up would be better used in exercising so that I am healthy and have a lovely girlish figure.  He replied that I should be able to do it all - exercise, fix my hair and wear make-up and that without the make-up it wouldn't be considered "beautiful".


I'll be honest and say that I ended up raising my voice at this point.  A part of me chafes that for a woman to be beautiful she must wear make-up.  A man is considered handsome without it.  Part of me is unhappy that I can't be considered "naturally cute" or whatever.  It's sort of like I'm not good enough unless I have it.  I should probably let you know that my husband is a wonderful man, and regularly tells me he loves me and that I'm beautiful.  In fact his nickname for me is "Pretty".  But it still bothered me.


Can women be "beautiful" without make-up?  Can a well-dressed, physically fit, smiling woman be considered beautiful?  Has our society so indoctrinated us with artificial beauty that we can no longer appreciate natural beauty?  Or is all the make-up actually a part of refinement and loveliness?

Priorities

My internet friends and I have been having an interesting discussion on education and religion and how to mix the two lately.  In an effort to learn more about effectively teaching my children I've been reading a variety of wonderful articles.  The one I'd like to highlight today is from Julie Beck, the president of the Relief Society (the women's organization in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints).  You can read the talk here.

She introduces a way to prioritize your time and energy which I thought very profound and one that applies to all women, no matter their religious preference.

First, think of those things which are ESSENTIAL.  The things you need to do in order to be saved (whatever your definition of saved is).  Add to this the things you need to do in order to have your family be saved.  For my family it would look something like this - personal and family prayer and scripture study, attend my church meetings, live so I am directed by the Spirit that I may understand the will of the Lord.

Then add those things which are NECESSARY.  Cooking meals, cleaning the home, creating an environment where the Spirit would be welcome.  Learning skills of self-reliance and teaching my children (because I homeschool, that is a necessary here!)

The last category is NICE TO DO.  Reading a novel, going to lunch with friends, attending a movie and so on.

I still need to sit down and seriously work through my lists and what goes in each category but it is helping me to see what is truly important and what I can let go without guilt.  If it's not ESSENTIAL or NECESSARY then truly I do not need to worry.  Or lay in bed all night worrying that I didn't do enough or that I'm messing up everyone's lives.

Mother Tongue

Nicholeen, over at Teaching Self-Government shared this video today.  LOVED IT!!!  And wanted to share with you.

Like, enjoy, ya know!

11 Years

I have been married for 11 years. To the same man. To celebrate that date we are going on a date!!! Sometimes we get really busy raising a family and forget to go on dates together, but today we remembered and we're going.

Here are some fun numbers to go along with 11........

4 kids (all boys)
They are ages 10, 9, 6 and 3
1 car, actually a mini-van (Honda Odyssey)
Have owned 3 previous cars (an Escort, Geo Metro and Kia Sedona)
1 Toy Poodle named Tank
1 Red-bellied Frog (deceased)
1 turtle (released to the wild)
1 beta fish (deceased)
1 cat (attacked the baby and had to find a new home)
9 years in the military
8 moves
5 states
I'm 4 years older than him
5 years homeschooling
dated for 2 months
engaged for 2 months
Never gone 40 weeks in a pregnancy (38, 36 and 33)
2 deployments
He's the oldest of 5
I'm the oldest of 8
8 bookcases
3 broken bones (1 son broke the same arm twice, other kid broke a finger)
0 broken bones for the adults
3 cavities among the whole family
4 people with blue eyes
2 people with green eyes
2 1/2 years - the longest time we've ever lived somewhere (together)
4 languages spoken and/or read (English, Hebrew, Greek, Portuguese)
I'm 37
I got married at 26
I had my first baby at 27
My mom had had her 7th baby by the age of 27

One more fun fact: My favorite dessert is cheesecake, which my husband HATES with a passion. His favorite dessert is chocolate cake without frosting which I think is GROSS. We have a really hard time trying to figure out what to have for anniversary dessert.