The End of Raw

I officially lasted almost two weeks on raw. I had a series of minor breakdowns, followed by a biggie that had my husband wondering if he needed to lock me in a padded room.  It was ugly.  I apologize for not telling you sooner, but it’s taken me quite a while to get back to feeling like me again.

I spent quite a while feeling like a total loser because I couldn’t even go 30 days.  

30 days is nothing.  

Or so I glibly thought.

I kept telling myself that those darn people on Simply Raw went 30 days.  And they had detox like I did.  They wanted to give up.  They had breakdowns.  And THEY KEPT GOING.  

Why couldn’t I????

As my husband pointed out…

1.     They were at a retreat where their food was made for them.  And most likely it was delicious.

2.     They were at a retreat where they did not have to take care of laundry and dishes and kids and homeschool and church service and many other things.

I was in no such place.

I will openly admit that the detox was bad.  Really bad.  The first week or so I was feeling great…and then I started crying…and getting angry…and crying…and getting impatient…and edgy….and crying…and raising my voice (which I NEVER do)….and crying….Most of my detox was emotional and my kids were noticing.  I didn’t like the mom I was becoming and felt very little control over myself at that point. That made me cry even more. 

By the end of the almost two weeks I was a quivering mass of depressed mucous-covered raw nerves.  My husband called an end to the insanity and I started eating “normal” food.  And wouldn’t you know it, within a few days I was happier, calmer, and in control of my emotions again.  And fatter.  I regained the 7 pounds I lost. 

I’m currently working on a semi-raw diet.  So far I’m doing well emotionally and physically.  I eat raw for breakfast in the form of a large smoothie (usually a green one).  Lunch is either salad or vegetable soup/chowder with another massive smoothie.   Dinner is a small portion of whatever I cooked for dinner with veggies and fruit on the side.  I’ve been making a lot of vegetarian meals lately and tons of soup.  I feel so calm, so healthy after a big bowl of veggie soup with homemade broth.  It is very grounding.  I’m also trying to avoid sugar and bread.  

But they are NOT trying to avoid me.

My husband still thinks that raw is a great idea, in moderation.  He also suggested that I try various recipes out while eating “normal” thus building a collection of meals that I enjoy…after a while I should have a supply of “go to” raw recipes that I like, instead of ones I throw in the garbage. 

So, our current goal is to maintain the status quo albeit a modified status quo including many, many more smoothies….and work on building a repertoire of raw and/or vegetarian meals.  Are we giving up meat and dairy?  Not for now.  But we do want to decrease the amount we eat…and increase the quality. 

I found that I don’t really care for “gourmet raw”.  I don’t like the fake sour creams and fake noodles and fake whatevers.  They taste fake.  The things I enjoyed the most were raw foods acting like themselves – a salad acting like a salad, veggies tasting like veggies instead of like some nasty sauce, fruit that still looked and tasted like the actual fruit.   Gourmet raw relies on a lot of nuts and seeds, which I found somewhat irritating (to my gut).  And expensive.  Some recipes used hardly any veggies at all – it was all nuts and seeds.  That didn’t feel “raw” to me.  Just fake.  (The repeated use of the word fake in this post has now ended.)

I have learned a few things from this experience:

     For my mental health and well-being, I need to make gradual changes to my diet.  Some people may not have this problem.  I do.

     I was surprised at how strong a hold food has over me.  How emotional eating is.  I want to work at freeing myself from this dependence.  Food is my drug…and I want to break the chains.  Any suggestions?

     Food tastes best when it is in its most natural state.  Covering it with a sauce, even a raw sauce, usually doesn’t enhance the food.

     Blended soups need my attention.  I must figure out how to make more blended soups…but make them  chunkier  …and warmer.

    Smoothies are my friend.

     There is really no replacement for a great salad.  All the gourmet raw in the world doesn’t beat a salad with a fantastic dressing.

     Foods eaten in their natural state are faster than making fancy recipes.  That’s a big duh, but I need to learn it.  A nectarine is much faster, much tastier, much easier than putting together a frilly little doo-dah to snack on.

For now, raw is done.  It was not fun.  Hey, that rhymed! I’m still learning though, and still experimenting with raw recipes.  Just at a slower pace. 

I’m taking one day at a time and doing the best I can that day to be healthy.