Hit the Reset Button on Your Day

There are times when things just aren’t working right, when children (and mommies) are grumpy, when the best laid plans crumble before your very eyes in the form of a screaming child or a stubborn pre-teen.  Yes, some days you wish you could just send everybody back to bed so you can wake up and try again.  Or maybe just stay there for a bit.

I recently read a fantastic blog post  which detailed 20 ideas for how to “reset” your day.  To her amazing ideas, I’ve added a few of my own below.

Chuck it all and go for a Nature Walk.  Go for a 10 minute walk or for a 3 hour hike.  You’ll be learning while you relax.  Bring some magnifying glasses, binoculars and field guides if you can.

Tell the Never-Ending Story.  At least that’s what we call it.  One person starts and goes for a minute or two then turns to the next person and they have to continue the story.  After a minute or two they turn to the next person and you keep passing the story around until you’ve all laughed a bit and are ready to move on with the day.  Sometimes you need to set rules like “no killing the character” or “no kissing”.

Read a picture book or two to everyone.  Even my big boys still love picture books. 

Everyone grab a book and read quietly for a certain period of time.  Even mom gets to read what she wants!  This can be tricky if you have littles, but they can quietly look at picture books during this time.

Build something together.  Dump out (or provide a bucket filled with) Legos, blocks, K’nex or Citiblocs, etc.  Everyone works together to build something.  Then knock it down and put it away.

Play the Alphabet List game.  Choose a category like food, animals, book titles, etc and name something for each letter of the alphabet.

Crazy Walk.  This can be done with or without music.  Direct them to walk slowly, backward, forward, like a monkey or a cat.  Big steps, baby steps, crawl, hop, whatever.  Have them follow the tempo of the music or, if you’re doing it without, just change when you direct them.

Don’t Spill the Water or Break the Egg – this should be done outside.  Give them a full cup of water and have them walk a line (taped or natural in the yard or on the sidewalk) or go through an obstacle course, without spilling water.  Alternately, have them hold an egg on a spoon and walk from Point A to Point B without dropping it.

Balloon Volleyball – Blow up a balloon and everyone tries to keep it off the ground by hitting it before it bounces.  To make it more challenging add 2 or 3 balloons.

Read a 2- or 5-Minute Mystery.  There are several free sites on the web with ideas for this, or you can purchase a book. 

Only Questions – Have everyone stand in a circle.  One person points to another and asks a question.  That person must point to someone else and ask a question.  Keep going until someone answers or says ‘uh’ or takes too long.

I Love You, Honey – Have one person stand or sit in front of the group.  One by one, each person stands before the person in front and says, “I love you, honey, won’t you please smile?”  The person in front has to respond, without smiling, “I love you honey, but I just can’t smile.”  The object is to get the “honey” to smile so use silly voices, crazy faces, etc.  Whoever can get the person in front to smile, becomes the new “honey”.

Pick a project from Nature in a Nutshell or Science In Seconds.  They are usually easy, short and use common items.

Play a game of Pick and Draw. 

Play with some homemade play-dough.

Use the table or floor and build a giant picture with pattern blocks.  Everyone contributes to the design.

Raising Real Men - a review

So here’s a confession, I’m a girl.  I was never a boy nor will I ever be one.  But I am currently raising four boys.  And I have no idea how boys think.  They are foreign to me.  Sometimes I look at them and can’t figure out how their brains came up with whatever behavior/game/idea they just displayed/played/told me.  Truly.  They think differently.  They react differently.  They are different.  Some days I’ll ambush my husband when he comes home to tell him all about the crazy things his sons did, to which he’ll reply, “So?  What’s weird about that?”  Huh?  It’s weird because a girl would NEVER think of that.

I’ve always wanted an Owner’s Manual for Raising Boys.  Then I was given the opportunity to review Raising Real Men: Surviving, Teaching and Appreciating Boys by Hal and Melanie Young as a part of the Timberdoodle Blogger Review Team and I think it’s as close as I’m going to get!  I have had this book on my list of “to read” for years and now that I’ve read it I’m sorry I waited so long.

Written by conservative Christian homeschooling parents of 6 boys and 2 girls, this book was full of funny anecdotes, real life example and practical ideas.  Over and over again I found myself saying, “Hey honey, listen to this”.  In fact, he left the room several times because he couldn’t get his own work done with me interrupting him every two minutes.  Reading this book was like light bulb after light bulb going off.  “Oh, so THAT’S why!”  “Okay, NOW I understand.”

 The book is divided into two sections.  The first deals with “values” or “virtues” and discusses such things as the need for heroes, what play for boys really is, leadership, and whether to allow weapons or not.  The second half talks more about “civilizing” a boy or the things which will help them grow into well-rounded men.  The authors discuss, among other things, education, responsibility, dating, manners, and whether boys should help in the kitchen.

Some ideas I had heard before, some were completely new to me.   For example, the Youngs discuss how boys are born with the desire to be leaders.  It’s how God made them…because one day they will be in charge of their families, their employees, their community.  They state, “We’ve got to teach them how to submit to authority without destroying their leadership.”  This put disobedience and their often challenging behavior in a whole new light.

 There were a few points I didn’t necessarily agree with, and a few scripture references I felt didn’t support their arguments.  It is also written by a couple who firmly believes homeschooling is the best option and a person who doesn’t homeschool might feel a little ‘judged’ or excluded in some of the comments.  The book, on the whole, however, was well worth reading.  In fact, I’m going to read it again and mark it all up and take notes and write down ideas I have on what I’d like to change about my parenting, new things I’d like to try.  You don’t have to agree with everything to make a book or idea valuable and instructive.

As a mother of boys, I highly recommend this book.  It has changed how I view my sons and helped me create a better vision for how I want to raise them.  I feel like I understand ‘boyness’ just a little better.  This book will stay on my shelf for years to come, and I know I’ll reference it often.  Along with Last Child in the Woods and Boys Adrift, this should be required reading for all parents of boys.

By the way, if you haven't heard of Timberdoodle yet, check out their free catalog.  I do a lot of our school, birthday and Christmas shopping there. (which is why I wanted to review for them...I like 'em!)

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Legal Disclosure:

As a member of Timberdoodle's Blogger Review Team I received a free copy of Raising Real Men in exchange for a frank and unbiased review.

Stories That Build Statesmen

I recently listened to a talk given by Marlene Peterson entitled "Stories That Build Statesmen".  She shared some wonderful examples of the power of stories and the need to teach through stories.  It truly inspired me to look at what I'm reading to the boys, and what they are reading in their spare time.  And just when I thought I had all my plans finalized for the year!

I highly recommend you listen to it...and I found it free here.  It's on the right-hand side, towards the bottom.

I'd love to know what your favorite stories are!

Playstation Nation

My husband and I are having conversations right now about whether or not we keep the Wii.  And if we do, how do we use it.  But first, let me tell you how we got to the point where we're thinking of removing it.

It all started when we moved to Texas.  We'd never had a gaming system before, but our boys were getting older and we felt that they were 'missing out' on something.  We originally decided to get them a trampoline, but the summers here are scorching hot, so it wouldn't have been used for 6 months out of the year.  And in base housing, sometimes you have room for one, sometimes you don't.  (Then there's that nasty 'weight limit' when they move you and tramps are heavy.)  We thought, "A Wii would allow them to stay active in the house during the hot months and it would be a fun activity to play with their friends."

So we bought one.  At first we only allowed 'active' games and they had to stand to play it.  I'm not sure how it happened but after a while we had some Lego games - to play you just stand there and move your guy from place to place.  No real physical movement or logic involved.  And when their friends came over they all just stood in the room, playing a game and not talking.  It was like a room full of zombie kids.

There began to be fights.  Major fights.  "He hogged the Wii.  He didn't share."  There was name calling and put-downs.  Sometimes they would play all day and I'd find out they hadn't let one brother have a turn.  It became an obsession for them, how much time could they play?  They were constantly talking about it, begging to play it, crying if they couldn't.  All their imaginative play was based on the computer games they played.  No more knights or heroes or soldiers or whatever.  Only Wii characters.  All the time.  I often found them just sitting in a room discussing "plans" for the next time they got to play.  And they were ALWAYS asking to play.

Sadly, it became a crutch for me.  When I was sick or tired, or both, I'd tell them to go play the Wii.  It was too hard for me to deal with all the whining and begging while laying in bed wanting to throw up or pass out.  Part of why we're discussing getting rid of it is based on my own weakness to rely on it as a babysitter.

So, as I started to think about it my friend Misty over at Misfit Cygnet recommended that I read Playstation Nation by Olivia and Kurt Bruner.  When I got it in the mail my boys were so excited - 'Mom has gone crazy and now she's going to get us a Playstation'.  They were less than happy when I told them what the book was really about!

Playstation Nation talks about video game addiction and what parents can do.  The authors use examples from their own family and interviews with many other people.  They also discuss many of the studies done about video games and their effect on emotion and behavior, including what actually happens in the brain.

I enjoyed the stories and interviews very much, but I especially appreciated the 'science' behind it.  I had already seen what it could do so it was chilling to understand what was going on in their little brains, and the damage it might be causing.

I went into the book thinking we'd just limit the amount of play, an hour a day or maybe one day a month.  One particular man quoted in the book said that he wished his parents had just gotten rid of it, because even though he could only play once a month or so, he still thought about it, it consumed his thoughts even if he wasn't playing it or talking about it.  I don't want video games to 'consume their thoughts' (which I had already seen that it did) and this made me think deeply about what I truly wanted for them.

After reading the book, and observing my own children's behaviors, I'm convinced that the Wii needs to leave our home permanently, never to be replaced by anything else.  My husband is not so convinced.  I've asked him to read the book, which he agreed to, but hasn't had time yet.  One of his main arguments is that "it's fun".  Well, many people would argue that taking drugs, sleeping around and drag racing are fun, but that doesn't make it right.  He has also expressed concern that "we spent money on it" so it would be a waste to get rid of it.  I countered with, "If you made a mistake, you correct it and move on.  If you give up drinking but have a year's supply of beer in the house, you don't need to keep drinking it until it's gone.  Get rid of it!"  And he's worried that the kids will feel deprived or weird because they're one of the few without a gaming system.  I worry that they'll grow up addicted, unmotivated, unproductive and consumed with unimportant worldly things.  (Reading the book Boys Adrift further convinced me that this most probably would happen.)

At the moment we're at an impasse, but we've decided to not let them play until we make the decision.  The first bit was rough, but now they are playing imaginatively again, reading books, going to the park, riding their bikes and most especially, the tone of our home is calmer and more pleasant.  We don't have multiple screaming or crying fits a day.  No more nagging me then lashing out because I said no.  They are doing their school work independently if I'm sick or playing with their younger brothers or reading to them - they're using their time productively.  Without complaint.  The noise level has dramatically dropped.

We did let them play one day (on Halloween instead of trick-or-treating) and it took almost 2 weeks for them to stop asking to play, complaining, crying, or yelling about not being able to play.  Now, peace has been restored and I don't want to interrupt it again!